I was hanging out with some guys today and we were talking about the importance of accepting responsibility for your actions. That's what a REAL man does. One of the points was that we need to own up to our mistakes and simply say "I'm sorry" and "I was wrong."
One of the guys talked about how he was learning to say "I'm sorry" more. He even said that he was apologizing at times when he didn't think he was wrong.
This got me thinking. I think this is a huge life lesson that he mentioned when we were hanging out. How many times in our life do we refuse to accept responsiblity for mistakes? How many times in our life do we refuse to apologize to people because we think that they are wrong? We say, "I don't need to apologize, he needs to apologize."
There's a couple of important things to remember here. I know that many times in my life I look back on a past argument or spat where I thought I was in the right, and then I realize I still helped create the mess. Sure, maybe you didn't make the mistake that made you two come to blows, but I bet you didn't react perfectly, or say the perfect things. Normally there is something you contributed to the problem that you could own up to.
While that is true, the point that really got me thinking is about those times where you absolutely did not cause the problem. You are in a fight with someone and 100 out of 100 strangers would not blame you for the fight. If any outsider looked into the situation they would say you are right and he or she is wrong. The only problem with this is none of that matters. Not if the person you are arguing with thinks you are wrong.
When you are in this situation you are faced with a difficult choice. You can either grit your teeth and apologize to the person for hurting them, even though it was there fault. Or you can sit on your pride and refuse to reconcile.
Really, it is a choice between your own pride or this relationship.
Oh man, so often I choose my pride.
It doesn't make sense to me. So many times I wish I had swallowed my pride, apologized to a person, even though I didn't think I did anything wrong, and salvage that relationship.
It's just hard to do.
So my question to you, is who do you need to apologize to? Even if you think they are to blame, are you willing to swallow your pride, accept that blame, and salvage that relationship?
Showing posts with label forgiveness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label forgiveness. Show all posts
The Impact of the Example of Forgiveness
Tonight, I was reading through 1 John mostly by chance. The one theme that really caught my heart today, and normally does catch my heart when reading this book, is that true Christians love their brothers and sisters in the faith.
"If anyone claims, 'I am living in the light,' but hates a Christian brother or sister, that person is still living in darkness." 1 John 2:9 NLT
That just always talks about grudges to me. A few years ago, I really struggled with grudges. I had a lot of friends, didn't have any enemies (which is no small feat in high school.) But I had a hard time forgiving the few people that hurt me.
I held it in, and when I thought about what they did or how they treated me, it made me angry. I tried to keep it in, so rarely would I confront those people about their supposed wrongs. But it did seep out. Those people could tell something was different between us, which made it worse, we excluded each other from things and generally disintegrated our friendships.
In one particular occasion, it got to the point that I didn't even know what one person had done to me. Why we were fighting, and why I was so mad at them and waiting for an apology. Eventually, God convicted me that I was holding these grudges. One of the best messages I have heard, from various sources is that forgiveness is not for the other person, it is for you.
Forgiveness is not for that person that hurt you. You can hold a grudge, it will tear you apart, but that person will keep on living life. Waiting for them to say "I'm sorry" could be a long long time. If that anger festers in your heart, it will just burn you, not the other person.
So let go of it. Forgive that person. Let go of the anger. Let go of the thought of revenge. Let go of the thought that that person owes you something. Let go, move on. Lift that weight off of yourself. Go to God, ask for strength.
Eventually, I was able to do just that. Forgive those people of what they did to me. It took some time, and those relationships aren't the same as they were before, but I have been able to re forge those friendships and make matters a lot better between myself and these people. One instance, I even apologized to the other person for holding a grudge against them. They were shocked, but it went a long way to restoring our friendship. I tell you what, it is a lot better on the other side, and in the years since, my heart feels lighter.
I think I have blogged about that in the past, so what I really wanted to share was in verse 10.
"Anyone who loves another brother or sister is living in the light and does not cause others to stumble." 1 John 2:10 NLT
God is saying that loving others is what shows that you are close to Him. More than that, your grudges aren't between just you and the person who hurt you, you are an example for other believers.
If you refuse to forgive someone, that can cause others to stumble. They may hold grudges too. Think of the impact it would cause, if a chain of people rejected forgiveness. There would be anger and bitterness in everyone's heart. There would be certain people you couldn't bring up around other people, there would be lives changed for the worse.
However, if you set an example and forgive those who have hurt you, who have wronged you, it may convince others to do the same. Those people will then experience the joy that comes from forgiveness and salvaged relationships.
We owe each other forgiveness. We have committed far greater trespasses against God than anyone has against us, yet God forgave us. Who are we to say that we can't forgive?
It is because of forgiveness that we are saved. It is because of forgiveness that we can live in love, joy, and relationship with God.
Forgiveness is central to who we are as people. It is a big idea, with big implications.
If we forgive each other, lives will be changed in the same way that God's forgiveness towards us has already changed our lives.
"If anyone claims, 'I am living in the light,' but hates a Christian brother or sister, that person is still living in darkness." 1 John 2:9 NLT
That just always talks about grudges to me. A few years ago, I really struggled with grudges. I had a lot of friends, didn't have any enemies (which is no small feat in high school.) But I had a hard time forgiving the few people that hurt me.
I held it in, and when I thought about what they did or how they treated me, it made me angry. I tried to keep it in, so rarely would I confront those people about their supposed wrongs. But it did seep out. Those people could tell something was different between us, which made it worse, we excluded each other from things and generally disintegrated our friendships.
In one particular occasion, it got to the point that I didn't even know what one person had done to me. Why we were fighting, and why I was so mad at them and waiting for an apology. Eventually, God convicted me that I was holding these grudges. One of the best messages I have heard, from various sources is that forgiveness is not for the other person, it is for you.
Forgiveness is not for that person that hurt you. You can hold a grudge, it will tear you apart, but that person will keep on living life. Waiting for them to say "I'm sorry" could be a long long time. If that anger festers in your heart, it will just burn you, not the other person.
So let go of it. Forgive that person. Let go of the anger. Let go of the thought of revenge. Let go of the thought that that person owes you something. Let go, move on. Lift that weight off of yourself. Go to God, ask for strength.
Eventually, I was able to do just that. Forgive those people of what they did to me. It took some time, and those relationships aren't the same as they were before, but I have been able to re forge those friendships and make matters a lot better between myself and these people. One instance, I even apologized to the other person for holding a grudge against them. They were shocked, but it went a long way to restoring our friendship. I tell you what, it is a lot better on the other side, and in the years since, my heart feels lighter.
I think I have blogged about that in the past, so what I really wanted to share was in verse 10.
"Anyone who loves another brother or sister is living in the light and does not cause others to stumble." 1 John 2:10 NLT
God is saying that loving others is what shows that you are close to Him. More than that, your grudges aren't between just you and the person who hurt you, you are an example for other believers.
If you refuse to forgive someone, that can cause others to stumble. They may hold grudges too. Think of the impact it would cause, if a chain of people rejected forgiveness. There would be anger and bitterness in everyone's heart. There would be certain people you couldn't bring up around other people, there would be lives changed for the worse.
However, if you set an example and forgive those who have hurt you, who have wronged you, it may convince others to do the same. Those people will then experience the joy that comes from forgiveness and salvaged relationships.
We owe each other forgiveness. We have committed far greater trespasses against God than anyone has against us, yet God forgave us. Who are we to say that we can't forgive?
It is because of forgiveness that we are saved. It is because of forgiveness that we can live in love, joy, and relationship with God.
Forgiveness is central to who we are as people. It is a big idea, with big implications.
If we forgive each other, lives will be changed in the same way that God's forgiveness towards us has already changed our lives.
Psalms 51
We have all been there. We feel ashamed, guilty, with sorrow heavy in your heart. You just want that joy back, that fire in your heart that only God can give.
This prayer reminds us that God is love, He wants to forgive us, He wants to give us that joy in our hearts, He wants to hear our praises.
This is King David's prayer of forgiveness after he sleeps with Bathsheba and sends her husband to the front lines to die. Maybe you haven't done anything that terrible, but all sin breaks us nonetheless. This prayer really meets me at the point of repentance.
Psalms 51
1 Have mercy on me, O God,
because of your unfailing love.
Because of your great compassion,
blot out the stain of my sins.
2 Wash me clean from my guilt.
Purify me from my sin.
3 For I recognize my rebellion;
it haunts me day and night.
4 Against you, and you alone, have I sinned;
I have done what is evil in your sight.
You will be proved right in what you say,
and your judgment against me is just.[a]
5 For I was born a sinner—
yes, from the moment my mother conceived me.
6 But you desire honesty from the womb,[b]
teaching me wisdom even there.
7 Purify me from my sins,[c] and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
8 Oh, give me back my joy again;
you have broken me—
now let me rejoice.
9 Don’t keep looking at my sins.
Remove the stain of my guilt.
10 Create in me a clean heart, O God.
Renew a loyal spirit within me.
11 Do not banish me from your presence,
and don’t take your Holy Spirit[d] from me.
12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation,
and make me willing to obey you.
13 Then I will teach your ways to rebels,
and they will return to you.
14 Forgive me for shedding blood, O God who saves;
then I will joyfully sing of your forgiveness.
15 Unseal my lips, O Lord,
that my mouth may praise you.
16 You do not desire a sacrifice, or I would offer one.
You do not want a burnt offering.
17 The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit.
You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God.
18 Look with favor on Zion and help her;
rebuild the walls of Jerusalem.
19 Then you will be pleased with sacrifices offered in the right spirit—
with burnt offerings and whole burnt offerings.
Then bulls will again be sacrificed on your altar.
This prayer reminds us that God is love, He wants to forgive us, He wants to give us that joy in our hearts, He wants to hear our praises.
This is King David's prayer of forgiveness after he sleeps with Bathsheba and sends her husband to the front lines to die. Maybe you haven't done anything that terrible, but all sin breaks us nonetheless. This prayer really meets me at the point of repentance.
Psalms 51
1 Have mercy on me, O God,
because of your unfailing love.
Because of your great compassion,
blot out the stain of my sins.
2 Wash me clean from my guilt.
Purify me from my sin.
3 For I recognize my rebellion;
it haunts me day and night.
4 Against you, and you alone, have I sinned;
I have done what is evil in your sight.
You will be proved right in what you say,
and your judgment against me is just.[a]
5 For I was born a sinner—
yes, from the moment my mother conceived me.
6 But you desire honesty from the womb,[b]
teaching me wisdom even there.
7 Purify me from my sins,[c] and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
8 Oh, give me back my joy again;
you have broken me—
now let me rejoice.
9 Don’t keep looking at my sins.
Remove the stain of my guilt.
10 Create in me a clean heart, O God.
Renew a loyal spirit within me.
11 Do not banish me from your presence,
and don’t take your Holy Spirit[d] from me.
12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation,
and make me willing to obey you.
13 Then I will teach your ways to rebels,
and they will return to you.
14 Forgive me for shedding blood, O God who saves;
then I will joyfully sing of your forgiveness.
15 Unseal my lips, O Lord,
that my mouth may praise you.
16 You do not desire a sacrifice, or I would offer one.
You do not want a burnt offering.
17 The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit.
You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God.
18 Look with favor on Zion and help her;
rebuild the walls of Jerusalem.
19 Then you will be pleased with sacrifices offered in the right spirit—
with burnt offerings and whole burnt offerings.
Then bulls will again be sacrificed on your altar.
